The things I learned in 2015 & anti-resolution experiments for 2016

January 6, 2016 LifeWriting  No comments

2015 was a year of tremendous growth, movement, and discomfort. I think I learned more in those 365 days than in the entire four years of high school. Well, at least, for myself as an adult human person trying to navigate the world. 

 

I learned a lot about fear and guilt. And letting shit go. 

I learned a lot about trusting myself. And trusting the process

I learned a lot about who I am at the core – past all the obligations and expectations and baggage.

I learned that, hey, I am an artist. And I need to just accept this already because this back-and-forth shit is getting old. 

The past year has been a lot of chipping away at old, useless things and stripping away all the bullshit

And I needed to get to this place where, no matter what happens, I will be okay. 

So what I’m left with is this:

Be content to show up today in a place of play ~ filled with wonder and curiosity ~ and embrace whatever experience life has to offer. No obligations. No expectations. 

My life philosophy, for right now. More on this later.

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Now, I don’t believe in New Years Resolutions. Never really have. I like to take the more slow and realistic approach. Sustainable change, if you will. 

For this year, I will be experimenting (read: not committing to, not resoluting to, I can change my mind at any time) with these anti-resolutions: 

1. ) Instead of automatically saying yes, saying no.
If it is something I really want to do, I’ll come back to it.

2.) Instead of trying to be known (“out there” in the world), intentionally being obscure.
This one in particular came over me with a great wave of release and weightlessness. Because, honestly, I don’t care if anyone ever knows who I am. (Actually, I’d be better if I remained unknown and hidden away, tinkering away in my laboratory with my words and worlds.) That means instead of stressing out about witty posts and likes on social media, how to promote and market my book, I can just leave all that out in the dust and do things however I want to. Which, for me, is withdrawing inwards; doing lots of writing and reading, going on walks, being in nature, listening to my weekly podcasts, posting this blog once a week, spending my time with my circle of peeps – who make me feel good and alive and connected, and generally avoiding anything concerning social media, stats, and sales rankings; basically any arbitrary standard of measurement used in the modern world to judge a person’s importance and worth.

No thanks, I’d rather just not be all that important. I’m good. 

Now, I can make like Galadriel and go hide away in the woods and learn beautiful things.  

3.) Less planning, more showing up. 
This isn’t to say that I don’t plan out my week. I generally have the same routine. I plan out what I need to get done the week beforehand. I have a list of things I’d like to accomplish on a monthly basis. 

What this does mean, though, is that beyond the next few weeks, I can honestly tell you I have no idea what is going to happen. I have general ideas. But I’m not committed to anything. 

A year from now? Yeah, that’s hilarious. No idea. Like, seriously, no clue. 

And all that not knowing, not planning, allows me to show up in the moment. Engage with who I am in that moment. Be intentional about what I want in that moment. And then I adjust accordingly. 

Because, if there’s another thing I’ve learned, is that you can’t plan for adventures you do not know of yet. 

I don’t know what adventure is next. All I know is that I’m enjoying the one I’m in. And that I’ll be ready when the next one comes along. 

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May 2016 be a year of exploration. experimentation. and wanderings. 

Until next time, farewell, & may your life never cease to be filled with wonder and curiosity.

 

 

photo cred: Andrew Pearce

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