uncertainty tagged posts

the most heartbreaking, emotional, autobiographical book I will ever write pt. II

June 2, 2016 Writing  One comment

In so many ways, I am Jamie.

We look alike, for one. Both have brown hair, brown eyes. But she is not me. I never picture myself as her. She’s taller than me, for one.

For two, that would just be weird.

But, that being said, she is very much me. From the way she dresses to the way she carries herself to the way she interacts with the world.

Her desire to run, to leave, to start a new life in Chicago? Me.(Except, despite my best laid plans to attend Columbia College Chicago for journalism after high school, I never made it there.)

Her need to be someone new, separate from the her she’s been in the past? Guilty again.

The way she hits a brick wall anytime she tries to apply

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Be where you are: the myth of “figuring it out”

January 27, 2016 LifeWriting  4 comments

I find myself always trying to "figure things out". 

For the most part, whatever I'm trying to figure out is a preemptive attempt to thwart future anxiety by freaking the fuck out in the present in a scrambling attempt to solve a problem that isn't even a problem yet. 

It's like trying to figure out an answer when I don't even know what the question is. 

Let me give you an example. 

I'll try to figure out what kind of career I would pursue if my circumstances changed tomorrow. Would I go back to school? For Archeology, maybe? Or Anthropology? Or what about grad school for Psychology? Sociology? Could I picture myself as an Environmental Scientist? Maybe I'd just stick with Barnes and Noble. Or would that get old and unfulfilling after a while? WHAT WILL I

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Possible career choices …

October 4, 2013 LifeWriting  No comments

A person is a fool to become a writer. His only compensation is absolute freedom. He has no master except his own soul, and that, I am sure, is why he does it. Roald Dahl

As I am in the process of finishing my first novel and hopefully, getting it published, I am finding it to be very uncomfortable territory. It is uncertain and I honestly have no idea how it is going to play out. I do not know what next year will look like, what the rest of my life will look like. And for someone who has always had a plan, well let's just say I drink a lot more beer than I used to.

It is quite often I am struck by the fear that I won't be able to sit in my room and make up stories for the rest of my life (which I very much like to do), so I often contemplate what my

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