destruction tagged posts

the most heartbreaking, emotional, autobiographical book I will ever write pt. III

June 9, 2016 Writing  One comment

Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in the deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.Rainer Maria Rilke

 

It was only through writing Jamie’s story, exploring and grappling with her demons, that I was able to unveil and wrestle with my own.

Because in every way, Jamie’s scripts, those lies she believes, are mine. Verbatim.The only difference is the circumstances under which they were formed.  

Those lies look a lot like:

The earth can open up and swallow you whole. The ground can fall out from beneath your feet at any moment.

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the most heartbreaking, emotional, autobiographical book I will ever write pt. II

June 2, 2016 Writing  One comment

In so many ways, I am Jamie.

We look alike, for one. Both have brown hair, brown eyes. But she is not me. I never picture myself as her. She’s taller than me, for one.

For two, that would just be weird.

But, that being said, she is very much me. From the way she dresses to the way she carries herself to the way she interacts with the world.

Her desire to run, to leave, to start a new life in Chicago? Me.(Except, despite my best laid plans to attend Columbia College Chicago for journalism after high school, I never made it there.)

Her need to be someone new, separate from the her she’s been in the past? Guilty again.

The way she hits a brick wall anytime she tries to apply

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