The Why: Running to Stand Still

May 19, 2016 Writing  No comments


Collin was who he was: simple and easy.
Me? I was jagged and complex. I wanted everything.
And despite how he made me feel—safe. It was clear to me that we’d never work out in the end.
That divide between us would always be there.
Because I’d never ask him to give up on the things he wanted.
And, while I sometimes wished I could be that person, I wasn’t.

Just seven more months. Then Jamie Benson can leave this goodbye town behind her and start her new life in Chicago. She can leave this place of broken glass and cracked sidewalks and rusted fences. This place where nothing good ever comes from. She can leave the ghosts and spinning rooms and shattered promises in her rearview mirror and never look back.

But all the stories she’s been telling herself are threatened when, one night, while tending bar at her father’s hole-in-the-wall dive, she meets Collin—a boy who is good and honest and sincere in a world where everything is harsh and cold and detached. A boy who makes her feel safe.  A boy worth staying for.

Will she be able to untangle the truths from the lies? Or will the sins of the past swallow her whole?




I wanted to write this story because I wanted (read: needed) to explore how things get so twisted up inside our minds.

How our thoughts and beliefs and scripts form who we are.

How the things that enabled you to survive at one point in your life become maladaptive + harmful once you’re out of danger.

How parents actions + behaviors irrevocably impact, influence, change their children’s lives and belief systems. Just how hard it is to actually overcome that. Navigating those complicated, tangled, emotional relationships.

How, if it’s even possible, to untangle yourself from the webs of your past so that you are not defined by it.

This story, at the heart of it, is about sorting through the lies to get at the truth.


It’s very much the journey I have been on for the past two years as I’ve written this book. Which I’ll get into next time.


The greatest source of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves.





Elvin Semrad


Until then, farewell, & may your life never cease to be filled with wonder and curiosity.


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