Category Thoughts

Kill Anxiety: One Zombie at a Time

February 24, 2016 LifepsychologyThoughts  No comments

A few weeks ago, I talked about how I often find myself in a place of freak out and anxiety because I'm trying to figure out how to solve a problem before it even becomes a problem. 

And as frequent as my large-scale life/identity/existential crises have been lately, it's my run-of-the-mill, everyday anxiety about routines and tasks that is the more common antagonist in my life. 

And my anxiety these days is nothing compared to how it used to be.

The first times I can remember feeling anxiety was in middle school. Everyday after school, on the bus ride home, I would get this searing pinpoint of pain in between my shoulder blades like clockwork. (At the time, I didn't know that it was a physical manifestation of anxiety.)

This is also about the time where my mind

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Some Thoughts on Art and Humanity and Hitler

February 10, 2016 Thoughts  One comment

I recently read The Storytelling Animal: How Stories Make Us Human by Jonathan Gottschall. 

In Chapter Seven: Ink People Change the World, he writes about how a pivotal moment -- in fact, maybe, the pivotal moment -- in Hitler's life was when, at sixteen years old, he saw a performance of Richard Wagner's opera Rienzi, with his friend August Kubizek. 

Rienzi is "the story of Cola Rienzi, the heroic Roman tribune of the people, unfolded in blasts of song."

That night, Hitler believed his destiny had been revealed to him. To be a great leader who led his people "out of servitude and to the heights of freedom." (Kubizek, August. The Young Hitler I Knew)

Over the course of his life, he saw parts of Wagner's Ring Cycle over one hundred times. 

Hitler loved art.

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Be where you are: There is no path

January 20, 2016 LifeThoughts  4 comments

Not only did I used to have big plans for my life, but I used to believe that there was a right way and wrong way to achieve those plans. I used to think that there was a certain path I had to take, and that any deviation from that course was detrimental to reaching my destination successfully. 

I used to believe that there was a path--One True Path to my best, successful life. 

But, the thing is... there is no path. 

Life-altering, I know. 

This One True Path (clearly there's some blatant Christian theology influences here) looked a lot like one linear milestone achievement after the other. No wiggle room. No allowance for detours. 

And yet, despite my belief in and of this One True Path, I found myself following one detour after another. Pausing

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Be where you are: the Truth about growing up

January 13, 2016 LifeThoughts  5 comments

I used to have big dreams for my life. 

If you were to ask my sixteen-year-old self what my life would look like, she could take you by the hand and tell you exactly what would happen next. She'd tell you: I'm going to graduate from high school.Attend Columbia College in Chicago and major in Journalism.Write and edit for the school newspaper.Graduate. Get a job working as journalist (details were vague in my head, but I imagined myself running around the city with a messenger bag and a notebook). Cover breaking news, heart-wrenching important stories about the suffering and exploit of people around the globe. Travel a lot. Have a cool apartment. And that was about the extent of it. But all I knew was that I was going to be somebody. I was going to do important

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Embrace the space of nothingness

December 16, 2015 LifeThoughts  No comments

Recently, I found myself in an art studio on King Street in downtown Charleston. (It was during my lunch break wanderings at YALLfest 2015 that I stumbled upon it.)

My eyes roamed across the walls and sections until they came upon the Walter Arnold Photography collection, and I literally could not look away. 

I was captivated. Breathless. It had me all geeking out like Cisco Ramon from The Flash... (got the "goosies" as he calls them)

In a world where no one stops talking, where new content pours out onto the internet and into our worldly sphere every second, where there's just too much stuff vying for your attention every waking second... it's a rare and beautiful piece of art that reaches out to you, makes you pause, makes you stop in your tracks, makes you

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Rewrite this Story: Identifying & Rewriting Bullshit Scripts

December 2, 2015 LifepsychologyThoughts  No comments

 

Scripts are those stories that are so ingrained in us that they are our truth. For good or for bad, they determine our lives. 

It's only by becoming aware of them that we are able to challenge and rewrite them. 

In my last post, I delved into the dirty details of my scripts so that you could have some concrete examples of what they look like, how they manifest themselves, and the seeds of where they come from. 

So how do you start to identify your scripts? 

Let me start by saying, the best way to do this is to see a therapist. Because that is what they're trained to do. (As I am not a trained professional, just a mere Psych major with many a year spent in therapy and self-exploration, what I'm about to share with you is not to be taken as the utmost

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Scripts—more than just the stories we tell ourselves

November 25, 2015 LifepsychologyThoughts  4 comments

Scripts are more than the stories we tell ourselves.

Scripts—programs—are so deeply ingrained into our psyches that if you were to reset your entire brain (get to the code, if you will), you would remember: how to breathe, water and food are essential, and your scripts.

Scripts are things that we know as truth, even when logically and cognitively we know they are not.

Scripts are typically programmed during your childhood. But they can also be wired in later on in life too.

Scripts determine your life. For good or for bad. Because you play them out over and over again in your life. Most of the time, without even realizing it.

Scripts are what makes people enter into bad relationship after bad relationship, or exist in a perpetual cycle of self-destruction,

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Charleston! Oh, Charleston!

October 2, 2015 LifeThoughts  3 comments

Ladies & Gents-

It’s been three months, so I figured I’d make the official announcement:

We are on our next great adventure. We have moved—to the Lowcountry, baby. Sweet-tea, sunny-coastal South Carolina.

We sold half our shit (seriously, not even kidding), packed up the rest of it, sold the house, & now reside in an appropriately-sized very-cute developmentally-appropriate apartment.

While my decisions may seem impulsive from the outside—reckless and irresponsible and selfish—truly, they are not. When I know, I know (in a split-second, gut-instinct, intuitive-kind-of-way) because I know what is best for me; sometimes without even being consciously aware of it. And though I am an emotional creature, I am also equal parts logical and

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Is it even worth it?

November 5, 2014 ThoughtsWriting  One comment

I am just now, a good year or so into my writing career, getting comfortable with the fact that I am, indeed, a writer. A year ago -- that dreaded time when you graduate from college and everyone expects you to like go off and cure cancer or be president or something equally great -- when asked what I was doing, would sheepishly look down, kick at the ground, and cough/mumble, "I'm writing a book."

I was embarrassed to say it because people didn't (and sometimes still don't) know how to react or were judgmental about it. Especially when they asked who I was published by (answer: self-published), where they could buy it (only on Amazon. Oh, not at Meijer? Or Barnes and Noble? Not even Target? They ask. And why not.), or if they might've heard of my book or maybe seen my name on a

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Can I stay?

October 29, 2014 LifeThoughts  One comment

My therapist tells me I'm not supposed/allowed to think about this, but being the angsty/moody writerly type that I am, I feel that my feelings aren't real until they're down on paper and out of my freaking head.

So here goes, most of you know that Andrew and I are spending January - March 2015 down in North Carolina to see if we want to live there. It's a trial run, but also an excuse to get the hell out of dodge for the worst of the winter months. If you didn't, well now you do.

(Side note: It's been an usually warm and sunny fall here in Michigan and I really think it's messing with my head and making me think things I wouldn't be thinking if it wasn't warm and were it's usual sucky self.)

I find myself trying to talk myself into staying here in Michigan after the

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